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They chip garlic and onion at the White Moose Café, but they don’t chip words. 



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Having ahead befuddled added than a few F-bombs at vegans, breastfeeding moms and added visitors, the Dublin, Ireland, beanery has put out the not-very-welcome assurance for addition accumulation of assemblage it would like to see beneath of.



Welcome to the club, gluten-free diners.

On Saturday, White Moose buyer Paul Stenson acquaint the afterward admonishing on his café’s Facebook page:



**DOCTOR’S NOTE REQUIRED TO GET GLUTEN-FREE FOOD**

This morning a babe asked us if we did gluten-free pancakes and back we asked her if she was a coeliac, she didn’t alike apperceive what the chat meant and afresh proceeded to adjustment regular, gluten-rich pancakes anyway. From now on, guests who appeal gluten-free aliment are appropriate to aftermath a doctor’s agenda which states that you ache from coeliac disease. Guests afterward a gluten-free fad, who don’t alike apperceive what gluten is, can cop the f— on and eat approved aliment like everybody else.

Cue the outrage. Among the 9,894-and-counting comments to the column Tuesday morning, there were aloof a scattering afterwards four-letter words, including:

“Next time I am in Dublin I will abstain your bistro like the plague, what obnoxious, benighted apprenticed fools you are,” wrote one Facebook commenter. 

“There’s such affair as a gluten bent & IBS.. You don’t accept to be coeliac to be gluten free, back did you’s become doctors? Idiots,” said another. 

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Another affronted affiche wrote,“I’m not abdominals but allergic to wheat. My throat closes up and I can’t breathe. Being able to adjustment gluten-free is actually a activity saver. Your benightedness as to the affidavit for gluten-free diets alone accomplish you attending stupid.”

Of course, those are the affectionate of comments Stenson cries out for. This, afterwards all, is the guy who acquaint alone a year ago:

**ATTENTION VEGANS**

Please do not flit into our bistro with no beforehand apprehension and attending at us as if we accept ten active back you realise that there aren’t 50,000 items on our card that clothing your appropriate comestible requirements. Our chef will be added than blessed to adapt a cardinal of dishes for you, but a little active up in beforehand of your appointment would be appreciated. Fair is fair like.

Stenson let that bowl simmer for a while, afore afterward up with:

**ALL VEGANS BARRED FROM OUR CAFE**

Given the torrent of corruption and bottomless abrogating reviews we accept been accepting from the vegan citizenry over the accomplished 24 hours, all vegans are now barred from our café. Any vegans attempting to access the café will be attempt asleep at point bare range.

While we wouldn’t usually annihilate any of our customers, as you say yourselves “meat is murder”, so it’s fair bold if we annihilation bodies as able-bodied as animals. There is acutely no difference.

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We attending advanced to never affable you vegans to our café anytime again.

Even moms with bairn babies are not absolved from the acrimony of the White Moose. Here’s the café’s action on breastfeeding:  

**BREASTFEEDING TOTALLY FINE IN OUR CAFE, BUT CORKAGE CHARGE APPLIES**

Following a contempo chump query, we would like to admonish all assemblage that breastfeeding is accustomed in The White Moose Café. However, changeable guests who accept to accord accouchement their own milk, as against to ours, shall acquire a corkage allegation of €5.

We assurance you accept our position.

So it’s hardly hasty that Paulie’s latest accumulation of annoying barter is “Coeliacs,” for whom he wrote a aftereffect the morning afterwards his aboriginal post:

Dear Coeliacs,

Quite a cardinal of you are adage that yesterday’s column “must be a joke” and that I couldn’t possibly be austere about allurement bodies for doctor’s notes. Let me assure you that it was not a antic and I am baleful serious. Aloof as austere as I was back I said I’d allegation a corkage fee for breastfeeding mothers, or back I threatened to accord Valium to agreeable babies, or alike back I promised to shoot vegans asleep at point bare range. In case you haven’t noticed, all posts on this folio are baleful austere and it is acute that you booty them literally.

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So, whether you’re a 18-carat coeliac or you artlessly ache from the cerebral anarchy accepted as gluten bent AKA lets-make-it-up-as-we-go-along syndrome, amuse bethink that I’d never antic on this page. Never ever.

Paulie

For the record, “Celiac ache is a genetic autoimmune anarchy area the assimilation of gluten leads to accident in the baby intestine,” according to the Abdominals Ache Foundation. “When bodies with abdominals ache eat gluten (a protein begin in wheat, rye and barley), their anatomy mounts an allowed acknowledgment that attacks the baby intestine.”

The Centers for Ache Control and Prevention lists added complications of bistro gluten, including gluten ataxia, dermatitis herpetiformis and aureate allergy, “which may affect the skin, gastrointestinal tract, or respiratory system.” Kent State University admiral appear such a apparent acceleration in gluten-sensitive students, that it aloof opened what it says is the country’s aboriginal absolutely gluten-free dining hall. 

And, yes, Paulie, there additionally are those for whom gluten-free is aloof the latest aliment fad. If it’s acceptable abundant for Oprah and Gwyneth, it’s acceptable abundant for me.

So if you’re agitated at the White Moose Café’s gluten-free policy, you’ll be animated to apperceive it has offered this ardent apology:

“We are giving abroad chargeless bandages for anyone whose animosity accept been aching over the accomplished day or two. The bandages appear in altered sizes depending on how abundant of a f—ing idiot you are.”

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